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so goodbye to you and your life... [entries|friends|calendar]
wolfie

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[14 Jun 2006|11:11pm]
life is awful.
to everyone.
god damn.
1 |give me a cookie

luckily, no one reads this shit anymore. [20 May 2006|09:34pm]
i feel like shit.
and i'm not going to downplay it.
i'm not even going to deny the fact that i'm feeling sorry for myself.
i don't want to be here if i have to feel like this.

he won't take me back. he wants other girls. he wants to socialize. he wants to be without me.

i want him back. i can't think of anyone else. i don't want to go out and socialize. i want to be with him.

it wouldn't be so bad if i had more than one good friend. she's always busy and we hardly get the chance to hang out. i'm alone a lot of the time.

other friends and family just tell me to move on, start dating other guys.

easier said then done.

i'm ugly. guys don't talk to ugly girls.
and i'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend.

i can't stop calling him.
he'll answer the phone, and i won't even remember why i called.

he tells others girls they're hot/they should hang out. they do the same.
he's attractive. funny. caring. what did i expect?

this is so fucked up. i want to cut into myself and bleed until i die.
i can't stop crying.
i'm so tired.

it hurts.

he's out there, tonight, probably with other girls.
he doesn't want me around.
i'm just a nuisance. old news. an ex.

our relationship was good. then bad. then good. then bad. it ultimately ended.
we're still friends. i think.

i'm thinking long-term.
he says he still cares for me.
we'll still hang out.
he'll visit me in college.
i love him so much.
will we lose contact in four years?
after i graduate, will i ever see him again?
i can't stand the thought.
it's enough to make me throw up.
again and again.

i told him it would be better this time. i'm a changed person. i could never take it for granted. he'd have space and freeom.
everything i said was true.
but he doesn't want it.

he wants someone new.
that's what hurts the most.
there is something wrong with me.
he'd rather find something else.

why am i such a fucked up person?
why can't i be normal?
why can't i be like every other girl?

when he does find someone new, i won't know what to do.
in college, i'll just think of him.
no matter who i'm with.

i've never loved someone so much in my life.

i hope i die so i don't have to do it myself.
1 |give me a cookie

i'm complaining because i feel like it [01 Jan 2006|08:41pm]
[ mood | fucking pissed ]

yeah, you can go out with your friends, that's fine.

but when you ask me if i want to do something later, or tell me to call you when i get home so we can do something, don't fucking tell me you've made plans with somebody else. that tends to piss people off, ben.

you're a liar. you always tell me you never get to go out with your friends.

BULLSHIT.

half the time, i TELL you to do stuff with your friends because i know you just HATE being with your fucking girlfriend unless we're having fucking sex.

you treat me like a fucking whore bag, a back-up for when you have nothing else to do, literally.

how can you expect me not to be upset when you do this to me on a regular basis? i'll just have to stop getting my hopes up.

give me a cookie

i can't stand this [04 Dec 2005|01:07am]
i want my benjamin back.
give me a cookie

salutations [24 Oct 2005|10:11pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

boys repeat things over and over because they think it's funny.
boys make up scenarios and turn it into a fucking movie script.
they never know when it's time to shut the fuck up.

the grass is green because it wants to be and the sky is blue because i said so.
i'm going to the movies with jesus and god instead.

give me a cookie

[16 Oct 2005|09:16pm]
i'm the crazy girl, the one you can always depend on for a good laugh when the temper flares. i really hate it.
give me a cookie

[10 Oct 2005|09:04pm]
today was good.
give me a cookie

i love him to DEATH [27 Sep 2005|08:59pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

OMGTHECLICHEISTRUE.

you never know how much you love someone until they're gone. and in this case, by "gone" i mean "broken up". even though it was a mutual "break up", it killed me. i cried for hours, felt sick, used my dog as a living teddy bear and woke up my mother to tell her my sorrows. the next day at school, i couldn't talk and cried off and on in every class. we talked (as we agreed to be on good terms), but that just made it worse. by the end of the day, we were in each other's arms and laughing, as if the break up had never occurred. and then, after school, he asked me to go back out with him. he said he had thought of me all day and couldn't concentrate, that he was lonely. i felt the same way, so of course i said yes. our break up lasted less than 24 hours. yet later on, he said that our relationship was "ugly". i disagree...we just have a few kinks to work out. this time around, i'll try my hardest to make him happy, all the while maintaining my happiness as well. i love him so much.

3 |give me a cookie

asdf jkl; [20 Sep 2005|09:34pm]
[ mood | tired ]

tomorrow is my nine month anniversary with ben. AWESOME.

i'm tired.

1 |give me a cookie

this is like, a revolution [12 Sep 2005|10:24pm]
[ mood | content ]

my boyfriend and i watched aladdin tonight. isn't that wild?

and i totally burnt my foot on my hair straightener this morning. it's pretty bad, considering my foot was burning for about 5 minutes, while i just thought something was biting me. does that sound dumb?

1 |give me a cookie

[11 Sep 2005|01:44am]
[ mood | sad ]

the excorcism of emily rose is super good. go see it. it's worth the 8 bucks.

give me a cookie

clave II [07 Sep 2005|09:28pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

i felt bad for neglecting LJ for so long because of my new addiction to myspace, so i've been updating with worthless bullshit.

this time my bullshit is this: our new principal is a fucking moron (and his eyes are too big). FUCK!

give me a cookie

diet pepsi [04 Sep 2005|01:01pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

You are
[ ] really short under 5'2
[x] 5'2 -5'6"
[ ] 5'7'' more medium then short
[ ] in between 5'7" - 6'
[ ] tall 6'1 +

hair:
[x] blonde
[ ] redhead
[ ] brunette
[x] dirty blonde/brownish
[ ] black
[x] brown

[x] blue-eyed (but kind of grayish)
[ ] brown-eyed
[ ] green-eyed
[ ] hazel eyed
[ ] gold/gray-eyed
[ ] silver/gray- eyed

[ ] glasses
[ ] contacts
[ ] both
[x] none

[ ] short hair
[ ] med.
[x] long hair


Your nationality includes...
[ ] hawaiian
[ ] chinese
[ ] taiwanese
[ ] japanese
[ ] hispanic
[ ] nicoya
[ ] puertorican
[ ] chicana
[ ] italian
[ ] scottish
[ ] filipino
[ ] armenian
[ ] dutch
[ ] french
[x] german
[ ] irish
[ ] greek
[ ] portuguese
[ ] polish
[ ] english
[ ] korean
[ ] jamacian
[ ] canadian
[ ] lithuanian
[ ] native american
[ ] indian
[ ] russian
[ ] swedish
[ ] african
[ ] peruvian
[ ] hungarian
[ ] thai
[ ] czech-slovakian
[ ] romanian
[ ] finnish
[ ] egyptian
[x] welsh
[ ] norweigian
[ ] croation
[ ] austrian
[ ] persian
[ ] i dont know what else

Your favorite color(s) are?
[ ] red
[ ] tan
[x] pink
[ ] yellow
[ ] black
[x] green
[ ] blue
[ ] white
[ ] silver
[ ] purple
[ ] brown
[ ] orange

Some sports/physical things you have done?
[x] soccer
[ ] cheerlead
[x] dance
[ ] lacrosse
[ ] field hockey
[ ] hockey
[ ] football
[x] softball
[x] ice skating
[ ] wrestling
[x] gymnastics
[x] track/cross country
[x] basketball
[ ] baseball
[ ] golf
[x] playing music
[ ] hiking
[ ] kayaking
[x] camping
[ ] horseback riding
[ ] tennis
[x] volleyball
[ ] martial arts
[ ] rugby
[ ] frisby
[ ] surfing
[ ] motocross
[ ] bmx
[ ] wakeboarding
[ ] kneeboarding
[ ] snowboarding
[ ] boxing
[ ] skateboarding




Your personality is SOMETIMES...
[x] talkative
[ ] shy
[x] funny
[ ] serious
[ ] bubbly
[x] spazzy
[x] fun loving
[ ] laid back
[ ] strict
[x] hyper
[x] weird
[x] ditzy
[x] sarcastic
[ ] slow

The music you like is?
[x] classic rock
[ ] rap
[x] alternative
[x] rock
[ ] pop
[ ] country
[ ] r&b
[ ] slow jams
[ ] christian
[x] classical
[x] techno
[ ] oldies
[ ] punk
[x] metal
[ ] reggae
[x] emo
[x] screamo
[ ] latin
[x] hardcore
[ ] noise
[ ] ska
[x] 80's
[ ] reggaeton
[ ] dancehall
[ ] hip hop
[x] rock & roll

The pets you have had?
[ ] cat
[x] dog
[ ] lizard
[ ] mouse
[ ] ferret
[x] rabbit
[x] fish
[ ] ducks
[ ] chickens
[ ] rooster
[ ] horse
[ ] bird
[ ] frog
[ ] hermit crab
[ ] prarie dog
[ ] none
[ ] turtle
[x] hamster
[ ] snake
[ ] gerbil
[ ] guinea pig
[ ] goats
[ ] chinchilla
[ ] tarantula
[ ] squirrel
[ ] grasshopper
[ ] turkey
[ ] geese

Clothes you like to wear are?
[x] plain t-shirts
[x] hoodies
[x] sneakers
[x] jeans
[x] flip-flops
[ ] sweatpants
[ ] baseball caps
[ ] skirts
[ ] gangsta clothes
[x] other

Clothing Brands you like?
[x] American Eagle
[ ] A & F
[ ] Hollister
[ ] Abercrombie & Fitch
[ ] Target
[ ] Wal-mart
[x] Wet Seal
[ ] Billabong
[x] Charlotte Russe
[ ] O'neil
[x] Pac Sun
[ ] Aeropostale
[ ] Hot Topic
[ ] Guess
[ ] ECKO
[ ] G-UNIT
[ ] Clothes from Ross
[ ] Clothes from Goody's
[ ] Fubu
[ ] Phat farm
[ ] Nike
[x] TJMAX


Shoe Brands?
[x] Nike
[x] Adidas
[ ] K Swiss
[ ] Steve Madden
[ ] Vans
[ ] Etnies
[ ] Axis
[x] Converse
[ ] New Balance
[ ] G-UNIT
[ ] Sketchers
[ ] DVS
[ ] globe
[ ] UGGS

States I have been to.
[ ] Alabama
[ ] Alaska
[ ] Arizona
[ ] Arkansas
[ ] California
[ ] Colorado
[ ] Connecticut
[ ] Delaware
[x] Florida
[x] Georgia
[ ] Hawaii
[ ] Idaho
[ ] Illinois
[ ] Indiana
[ ] Iowa
[ ] Kansas
[ ] Kentucky
[ ] Louisianna
[ ] Maine
[x] Maryland
[ ] Massachusetts
[x] Michigan
[ ] Minnesota
[ ] Mississippi
[ ] Missouri
[ ] Montana
[ ] Nebraska
[ ] Nevada
[ ] New Hampshire
[x] New Jersey
[ ] New Mexico
[x] New York
[x] North Carolina
[ ] North Dakota
[x] Ohio
[ ] Oklahoma
[ ] Oregon
[x] Pennsylvania
[ ] Rhode Island
[x] South Carolina
[ ] South Dakota
[ ] Tennessee
[x] Texas
[ ] Utah
[ ] Vermont
[x] Virginia
[ ] Washington
[x] West Virginia
[ ] Wisconsin
[ ] Wyoming

give me a cookie

[04 Sep 2005|01:30am]
i'm glad that drunk driving is illegal. when i'm drunk, i drive like crap.
give me a cookie

you don't LOVE me anymore [02 Sep 2005|02:56pm]
[ mood | sad ]

i'm going to watch a demolition derby with someone who can't stand me tonight. i hope i seem excited.

2 |give me a cookie

fuck you fuck you fuck you I HATE YOU [27 Aug 2005|01:15am]
[ mood | energetic ]

i got myself a pretty good babysitting job today. NAILED that interview, they loved me. pays pretty well, too. wow, ashlee has a job (sort of).

give me a cookie

yes, folks... [04 Aug 2005|09:55pm]
[ mood | okay ]

i've jumped on the MySpace bandwagon. i have no idea what myspace is, or what it's for, but that's okay. and i still have to figure it out.


Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

give me a cookie

[30 Jul 2005|02:22pm]
sad face.
2 |give me a cookie

i was asked to write this...but to never send it [23 Jun 2005|10:12pm]
dear dad, i hate you...Collapse )
4 |give me a cookie

hi? [11 Jun 2005|10:28pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

i deleted my last journal entry. it proved to be inaccurate, though it completely justified the assumption that i'm a very selfish girl. most of you (which is only like, 2 people, but at least mandie commented) probably didn't get a chance to read it as it was only posted for less than 24 hours. basically, i wrote of how upset i was that ben would be leaving for boys' state the next morning (and i would be leaving for new york in the next couple of days), and he wasn't really making an effort to see me on the last day before he left. instead, he went somewhere else and i assumed he wouldn't come over. and i'm sure you can see how this ends - the caring boyfriend came to see his bitchy girlfriend later that night.

i am the worst.

1 |give me a cookie

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